Thanks Giving

THANKS GIVING

Thanksgiving is almost upon us. A time when we all focus on expressing our gratitude, typically for positive things received, for friends and loved ones. But along with these, I encourage us to also extend our gratitude to other matters, such as unfortunate events and negative actions we have experienced. Why? So we can forgive, and by doing so, release the negatives that weigh on us. Then we can not only be more thankful for all that has taken place in our lives, we can also achieve greater happiness and peace.

I wish I had learned this lesson earlier in my life. 

Regarding people who hurt me, it took me a long time to come to terms with the painful upbringing I had with my grandmother, then with my father.

Because of my combative nature, I still managed to successfully accomplish many of my goals.   I simply followed my inner guidance and took action as I felt appropriate.

People would often say I was very lucky.  Little did they know I was carrying a lot of anger and resentment towards those who were supposed to love me when I was growing up. I was concentrating on all the negatives that occurred during those early years and was unable to see silver linings of the events that happened then.

That anger was spilling into many other areas of my life. But I was very good at hiding my feelings, and no one would have guessed a dormant volcano in me was ready to erupt.

Then in my early fifties, I experienced a major depression, and it was the best thing that could have happened.  It helped me reset my inner compass, open my eyes and my heart, and totally transform the way I approached my life.  I was able to reconnect with my inner child and rediscover who I truly am beneath the veneer covering the surface.

Let’s be realistic. Personal transformations are not easy to do, and the results are not realized  overnight.  Therefore, I strongly suggest that you don’t wait until you’re in your fifties to start looking at the changes that need to be done to make your life easier and happier on a regular basis.

These changes include taking steps to address self-love, gratitude, and forgiveness   Of these, I want to concentrate on forgiveness – it brought an “aha” moment.

Let me say that learning to love myself wasn’t easy ………. but I slowly became better at accepting compliments and not analyzing and criticizing everything I did.

To have gratitude felt natural.  In the morning I was already using a technique I learned years ago.   I find it useful, especially when I wake up feeling upset for some unknown reason.   First I make a mental list of all that is beautiful and  wonderful in my life as well as all the people I love or who love me.  Then I try to pinpoint the negatives in my life.  Sure, there are some, but in comparison, this list is usually so small that whatever was bothering me has disappeared or is at least manageable. I must note that I’m not writing here about the major traumas of life for which a grieving period is expected and needed, such as  divorce or death.

To forgive seemed impossible, but I knew it was a very important step to take if I ever wanted to be free.  I was naturally a happy person but there were periods during which something would trigger the memory of a bad, painful event and take me back to how much I resented, even hated a certain person.

For decades, I struggled to let go of the anger I carried for so long. But, after I made the decision to change, it gradually became easier to do so, until one day, the magic happened. I couldn’t find any trace of upset toward anyone anymore.

I realized that this process opened the door to something I had not expected. The more I made peace with myself, the more the events of the past started to appear differently in my mind. The gloomy cloud that shrouded them was dissipating.  For the first time, I was able to understand their purpose. These negative events, still very vivid in my memory, had silver linings.  Many positive happenings from my childhood came to mind.  As long as my heart  was filled with hate or resentment, I could not remember them.   That’s when I understood the events that weighed so much on me  were actually steps to ascend further on my path. They helped me learn and grow strong. If I had to live my life again, I wouldn’t have it any other way.

When we have grudges embedded deep in our heart, we are the only ones who suffer.  These grudges prevent us from understanding why negative people or situations came into our lives. It finally dawned on me that they were trials I needed so I could become stronger, more resourceful, more understanding, more giving and more compassionate.  They were hurdles placed on my path I needed to overcome in order to ascend.

That’s when something amazing happened.  I had an “aha” moment!

I am a victor, not a victim

Instead of feeling hate towards some difficult situations and those individuals who wronged me, I should instead be thanking them. They afforded me opportunities to ascend on my life’s journey, helping me learn how to walk on rugged terrain, go around boulders, leap over crevices, and climb steep hills. Each step I took helped me become who I am today. And I realized that those individuals who hurt me likely had their own challenges and were themselves hurting.

And what is the antidote to hate?     LOVE

So, in my meditations, I started to send them love. 

And by doing this I BECAME FREE.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!